life · sail

为什么人有太多的戒心
快速的生厌 快速的否定 快速的戒心 快速的懊恼
没有允许的空间让我梦想得太远
而是无情的判我有罪
难道艰苦的过去是为了之后自责更深刻吗

为什么老记得别人如何对你不好
而不是悟是你让他们对你不好了
框框 是自己画的 remember?

Labels: 2009, Self-confusion

人总是要经历一些东西才会有不同的领悟
也要尝试一些不同的东西才不会一成不变
老古板害怕改变是生活中最不方便的嗜好

但一成不变=没梦想=知足？
有梦想不知足的人会不会很可怕呢

Labels: 2009, Self-confusion

An empty shell couldn't yell because too much voices would reflect to the brain

Rules vs Rights
Promises vs Lies and Excuses
Downshifter vs Civilise


please
remain silent
i just want to be me

Labels: 2009, Self-confusion

热辣辣的夏午 世界在变化

还好 我 还不是气球

******************************************
拿起_拿起了__拿起的___和拿不起的
放开___放开了__放开的_和放不开的
******************************************

拿起 因为想清楚了而没遗憾
拿不起的 定放下

放下了 想再拿起
放下了 想再拿也拿不到
放下了 无力再得到
放下了 奋力想起
放下了 知道的
放下了 洒脱过 世界辽阔
放下了 忘了

******************************************
拿得起_放得下
寻找平衡点
最终_想通__一直以来的未来含过去
******************************************

拿不起。。 或潜意识拿起了 所以放不下
理上 平衡 有点了

热辣辣的夏午 轻飘飘
拿不起的 和放不开的 一起飞呀

Labels: 2009, Self-confusion

如果人生如戏
3 2 1 戏码为何不搭
听到, 看到, 读不到
这一刻的空间里, 好像有好多颜色幅射着
看, 看不到所谓的青红皂白
谁, 下一秒换谁做游戏主人家

又或是, 以灰色角度来看
没有黑, 没有白
一切是如此理所当然

讨厌的可以喜欢, 喜欢的可以不要
讨好对的人, 利用对的人
没完全不对, 没什么大不了
日子, 这样才过得去
圆滑下去, 原来, 是人生最该学的沟通方式

Labels: 2009, Self-confusion

分開的兩個我, 好好地對話
一個多慮的杞人, 一個受傷的夢想家
結論是被現實否定, 没結論
心中, 最明白是什麼故事

Labels: 2008, Self-confusion

i cant stand being depressed for so long. it's meaningless to trap oneself from moving on. i cant live in that trauma forever.
i'm ready to be responsible for it, start my life bravely with all i have.
upsetting my past and future will only block me from encouraging my present.
i hv to raise up fast enough after falling.
and wake up, from her dream, finally.

although i'm still unclear, somehow i know i should hv the brave to encourage myself to move upon the worst situation ever.
no one ever know what they ll meet every corner.
but once i was blocked from the direction doesnt mean i cant get move on from another direction.
i shouldnt cut off chances to hope.
don dare to hope for better but want to try out all way so that my present hv least possible to become a regret past.

i start to love simpler life.
if there was only one thing i worry now, it's a life without dreams.
it's not a definite good thing when i stop worry about my future like before.
perhaps i ll become less flexible, perhaps i become less adventurous.
it was my fear in the past, i did not like to stick to old plans.
i cant believe i move to this stage and look like i'll be enjoyed with these.
my brain is reforming my near future plans, i hv no single clue or will to deny its changes.
it's all so different now.
simple, peaceful and lovely days is listed as top priority when any change were taken into consideration, not tiring and failing in life which look like i'm wasting up my energy.

i think i ll hv a clear mind and know which direction to move on,
and stand by for the next challenge task with all i have now.
i really got to try out confidently.

i dun wan to be a sad person.
i can see myself climbing up now.

appreciate the people you care the most,
make them happy every moment when u hv the chance to.
Don’t invest your energy in hopes of leaving; instead invest your energy in the people around you.

Labels: 2008, Self-confusion

today, what am i looking for? what is that?
the biggest fear of Vicky,
have she done everything of her dreams..??
is she done?

everything presents the way it were before, but why
what i see does not mean the same as what i saw anymore.
if I were to experience this again.. it would still be terrifying.

yes, I never sound like this before,
this isnt me,
i'm unfamilar with this inner soul.
what bring part of me away?
there is no way i could yell it out,
i'm totally imcomplete when these took place,
staring at the void of me, nothing else, just void.

now, i'm fine, thanks to people who bring warmness to my life,
great great distance from my yesterday adventure,
goodbye to the histories,
board me to another journey, it's cold and dark waiting at the doorway.
so dark.

changes are as promised
and no similar mistake
will replace the void

look closely to what i have now
carry on with what's left
hopefully a complete one

以前生命中, 深信不疑的那些价值，开始更动
旧的模式突然的就被摧毁
心渴望自由，但现在却卡住了
好像行过地狱的荒野，寻找着真正的自由
現在,心不想再处在控制和占有里，不想丧失本心的美感
必须去面对，才能从中解脱

只有懂得放下过去的人，才能漂亮的走向下一步

Labels: 2008, Self-confusion

if, everyone i meet in life is a cloud,
from the distance,
through the sides,
only part of the characters are shown from the angle i'm standing.

from my perpective,
the shape will change from time to time, by the wind.
what we have read about others is according to how one have to act under a certain pressure.
my understanding about the closer ones, would it be a false perception.

which is the true colour.

--------------------------------------

do all human kinds fragile like a cloud, that doesnt own the power to change the wind direction, but learn to accept the changing in themselves

what has been taken away from me, so far, have i lose a power to sense, or to make the wind be the energy, so as to move on with what is supposed to.

what is the fear, how do i switch myself accordingly, do everything in a better way

Labels: 2008, Self-confusion

第三個人手拿著紙和筆, 寫什麽人生, 玩什麽游戯
找寻的是什麽目標, 標准都寫下了, 就找得到嗎
人生, 可不可以簡單一點
再多的, 經過無情的過染, 無味了

Labels: 2008, Self-confusion

present have taught me to appreciate the present
present tells me not to be so true to one selves

more, more flexible/complicated you have to be..??

Labels: 2008, Self-confusion

i love to view out of the windows, through seasons and miles. from the past, i thought the world is wonderful, it's direct and clear. currently, as some beautiful places catched my eyes, in my mind the innocent was wondering, it's from the same window, why many people are acting so much contrast to this world.

it's amazing of how things get going when it's not perfectly acknowledged, like a rainbow after shower or a blossom spring after days of snow. the fact that real life have proven my last blog entry was not totally right or i shall not conclude. i'm glad, where, within the slightest chances given, i was bring to meet a few, who opened my eyes to an agenda. although i know i barely learned and recognised the innocent me that i used to think it is revelant to stay on. and to the me today, whether or not she would be succeed to step up reaching a new stage, for something that have been revealed so as to procceed with unmistakable changes.

for a couple of friends out there, thank you so much for letting me know what's more important. the people who are always important in my life have again been highlighted. things that realized me, me that was twisted to be who I am today, should not trap in inescapable circumstances, but move on.

these are some thoughts i wrote during the two days on plane.
possibly adjusting yourself to fit others' life into my way of going and move on without blaming your changes while holding ur rights tight enough in manners.
less emotion, more love: situation couldn't be worst, if, for everything that happened, nevermind the delay, stay calm and steady, find the closest solution before reaching your proper destination.
carve out space in which to think strategically, pushing myself slowly, to the direction that fit my way of going.
shortest meetings arent that bad, unbelievable i've made it. it's truely precious.

i'm not satisfy with myself. finally i realized it shouldnt be a lesson that shut me off.
however, presently, this place, shall left plenty of sweet memories in my heart before i leave. but finally, i found part of the answers, these are, the highlights of year 2008.
it might not totally a bad thing. this couldnt be harder than future thousand tasks. soon, i hope i will be ready to accept whatever hard tasks that come across and overcome the similar.

Labels: 2008, Self-confusion

a whisper from an indian architect, driving a beige colour sport car
"...dont come back to this country"
... he knows me, a home-loving girl

almost retire businessman leaving for Uncle Sam permanently,
worrying about the family here
he dont know i knew less than he expected

what have happened
why it doesn't sound like a trend to follow
why it doesn't sound like a joke at all

for the time being, would stick to my previous sailing proposal,
just for the time being

Labels: 2007, Self-confusion

every year, every day, every second, all is changing,
a dreamer thought it would be the same as she wake up

many events have passed, and another began
it's another pictures in the albums without her

many things been thrown, and replace
it's another shoes placing at the same place

many things been forget, because there is tomorrow we need to care ...?
gone, there's no way she could hold and the incidents repeat....

Labels: 2007, Self-confusion

It's been awhile, where I'm still here being the person who think past is merrier.
**************************************
nothing is wrong, yet nothing seems everlasting
nothing seems so wrong, just hard to please, unpredictable weather
nothing seems upside-down, just facts breaking my leisurely daydream
**************************************
my simple life ultimately appear like it's having a long vacation
as always it would be unknown barriers in front
maybe I can always pass off the sore, leaving with the aftermath
maybe it will become involved as future great memories
maybe, it is the barriers that lead me there
to allow the author of my life to lay behind without regrets
**************************************
the smile on the adviser face, telling me the cv is excellent
the woman on the street, said 'you are so brave, lady'
the good friend, very far away, count on my weak points

I realised those words that hurts matters most

Labels: 2007, Friends, Self-confusion

The Canvas

After this holiday, I'm out facing not myself. From the first couple of days, I'm not entirely here.
This never happen to me and not suppose to 'happen' as my holiday was a great one.
But I found myself not returning, or I was back to where I don't belong. I can't explain why is this happen. Suddenly, I scared of changing like this. I almost decided going home end of this year; wish I could be safe in my shelter than throw to random occurrences all by myself. my heart went under nowhere.
although, it travels in this situation, I'll light it up before left for the next pace. This ship is not gotta stop, it travels as canvas detemine by wind flow.
Lots to resolve than swallow from these wonderful winter volunteer works, at the same time catch up uni heavy workloads.
Fate, I have no idea what this all done to me, I might not liking it,
I'm not too small, and I wanna climb up and looked bigger, gonna cross this and back catching up pace of my dreams, very soon. reformat, keep updated..

i'm waking myself to continue my old sweet dreams
facing tomorrow with a difference smile
instead of looking on the massy puzzles everywhere
i chose to step away

Labels: 2005, Australia, Self-confusion

Here I came to the 'N' time waking-still night, pondering over this and that..
It's been thousand minutes passed since I really blog on computer. Pause and replay. My brain had blog itself while my eye meet some soft of key that could unlock this long-rest brain to catch words into a basket.
I'd been pondered, of what and how after getting to the foreign land.
Maybe I'm just worried, or maybe this is the natural of human being. Been planned is a great thing to make myself comfortable and on top of that would not be scare if happened next step over me was empty. It always have to be something, to make myself awake and dare, and step forward without hesitation. Maybe I always need a goal to keep my own enthusism moving on.

Will I returning myself to the world of Maze; searching for the cheese, with another kind of needs? Sometimes this tempted my pace. Anyone wants that, or should I say, scared of that. A total change. Let's see if one's face or hair were white.
Soon i gonna throw this out and back to Maze if I found pain in the middle of something; before the old member of the Maze have returned.
At that time, how will be my cheese taste to me, to suit this life.
I never knew I'll go till here, where the light is off. Einstein, gotta follow your step.
Endless night.. not without me light it up.

Labels: 2005, Australia, Self-confusion

wind, blow still; distance, time'd killed.
wings, hold its balance.
it need sunshine, because,the vision is blur.
is the speed not high enough? or the height it reach?

Labels: 2004, Self-confusion

it aimt a good Xmas, this year..
a bit regret to read today's news.. sumthing i dun want to face, feel damn sad now.

hope there's no more disaster killing people, no more wars.. i know it's not gonna happen.. but at least.., make it lesser. people suffered so much.. is too much.

Labels: 2003, Self-confusion